Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

:woohoo:
 


His hands are strong and still
full of lines and calluses,
Hands that have turned things over and over,
hands that have worked hard,
he smooths down the edges
till everything is in its proper place....
He is always still as thing rush by,
sometimes surrounded by chaos but content in his own serenity,
his secret place of peace.....

He plays with three pebbles white and smooth,
they glow in the midnight alabaster sky.
Calling out to the ancient moon, the rhythms and the tides.....
They possess soft curvy edges like velvety milk,
if he turns them long enough, maybe he will get the answers that he seeks.....
That glimpse into past, present, future,
all the the answers to behold
how he longs for that control......
His hands keep them moving as they tell of stories and adventures,
even some he's hidden well.....
He cannot help but cry-out as he pulls at his
own brittle tattled edges,
weaves those hands through the passing air......

It is his hands that are there to protect him
but it is his heart he races down to.....
But it is his heart,
             it is his heart that has fashioned this place made of tears.
In this heart is a garden,
             a garden so tranquil but fragile too,
                      full of rare beauties and wonders and great shards of pain,
                                  do dwell within this heart.......
But it is his hands that have crafted the longings of his heart.
Tender and gentle as they ripple with his centre, soul and emotions,
Alas he must always cover up the beauty that is him,
where he learnt this he cannot quite recall.....
The memories are too dim.....

So he takes his blessed hands and covers all,
his hands cover his eyes, the windows to his soul.....
"If I can't see, all will be OK!!!"
As he sits among the darkness never letting in,
the bad things out to get him,
the things he thinks might win......

It is a lonely place in that, in that pit of hell.
The hands that created so much beauty have somehow
worked to lock him in......
I want to reach down towards him to pull him out of this spell,
but it is his place,
             his sacred place not my space,
                           he will not let me in.......

But still I see his hands busy making magic motions.
Forms of protection around his battered heart and lonely tears,
never looking up incase someone gets in.....
And it is his hands......

By Bhodi Robinson @ 2009
:iconfaunserpentine:

Author's Comments

......

Critiques


:iconvikingjon:
Wow. Didn't you say something along the lines of: Writing and you don't get along? Liar. ;)

This is deeply insightful and creative. It has wonderful imagery and I love the use of altered line structure as emphasis and as another way of shaping the poem.
It is a skillful weaving of deep magic and stark reality. Amazingly so.

There's only one line I don't understand: "but it is his heart he races down too....."
Would "chases down","races with", or "races down to" be the same? That might clarify the line.

I personally relate to the subject, themes and imagery in this poem, but I believe it stands in good stead among other great poetry.

Great job, Bhodi! :wow::clap::heart:
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

Thank you for your Critique

You are not logged in.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 3 3 wow 1 1 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconvaledhelven:
:iconwowplz: Explain this one to me, my friend... what did you have in mind? Where were you going? Not that it doesn't work, because I think it really does... but I am curious what the author had intended, versus what this reader sees in it :blushes: What were you seeing in your mind? What were you feeling? Your absence of "Author's Comments" leaves me intrigued...

We can make a game of it: "You show me yours and I'll show you mine" (...comments, silly... what did you think I meant? ;))

--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Welcome to MY fantasy realm: [link]
:iconfaunserpentine:
The Authors box is empty because it hurts to read these words, although they burn me deep......:blackrose:
:icondragonschest:
One of the best reads I've had in awhile here in dA... :clap:

--
We must always match our faith with the truth, then it will move mountains...
:iconfaunserpentine:
Wow, thanxs, that means alot to me,
this poem came easily and all at once......:hug:
:icondragonschest:
You write well, I can't wait for you to do more... :hug:

--
We must always match our faith with the truth, then it will move mountains...
:iconfaunserpentine:
Thanxs for the encouragement, maybe soon when time allows.......:hug:
:iconamaner:
I hope it's ok to say, but I think there's a small error in the 3 stanza 4th line, "place made of tears" I think it's meant to say. And the 7th line of the same stanza I believe "wanders" should be "wonders" but I'm not certain.

That having been said, this is a beautiful poem and I'm sorry that it brings you pain to recall the words... Thank you, though, for using those emotions to write the words and share them with us all, this is literally one of the best pieces of poetry I've seen on dA.
:iconfaunserpentine:
Thanxs for your great feedback, have gone to correct "wonders" and "place made of tears".....Glad you like, good form to deal
with stuff......Thanxs for the :+favlove:
:iconamaner:
My pleasure keep up the great work :)

Details

June 11
3.3 KB

Statistics

10
5 [who?]
60 (0 today)
3 (0 today)

Site Map